So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
