im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
