For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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