Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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