she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
only you would photoshop your dick
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
