lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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