guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
