Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
