I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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