Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
