i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
