my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
