I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
