Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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