I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
