i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
