the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
