he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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