my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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