I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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