I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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