Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
