the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize