the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
