so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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