I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
