i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A+ Viking dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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