i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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