The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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