LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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