im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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