We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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