Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
