Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
