I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
