1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
