And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
