My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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