Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
