I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
