At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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