We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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