it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
