I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
