i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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