we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
