It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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