I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
