God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
