my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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