Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
