Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
