i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize