wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
