I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
