I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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