You just made me feel so damn special
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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