we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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