Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
