You're so nebulous sometimes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
