i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
