May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
