stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone came in the potted fern
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we're so committed to being not committed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
