She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
