Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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