just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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