He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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