How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
