We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
