I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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