A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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