I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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